We have a lot of catching up to do :) :P

I am very sorry for not posting in a while, I have my reasons which I shall explain.
1) I had no blog post ideas. 
You can't write a blog post if you don't know what to write about.
2) My laptop is sorta (sorry for the slang/text speak there) broken.
You also can't write blog posts if your laptop doesn't connect to the Internet, crashes whenever I log into the guest profile and won't let me into my profile even though the password is correct. It comes up with the message "User File error" which sucks. I have good news regarding my "broken" laptop though, It now successfully connects to the Internet and doesn't crash when I log into the guest profile, but it still doesn't let me log into my own profile and my guest profile has loads of restrictions (for my younger brothers and sisters) so not only have I lost all my pictures and documents saved onto my profile, I'm also restricted to what I can do on this profile, for example I can't use PowerPoint, One Drive, avg etc. I can use the Internet (no restriction), I can use Word and access USB's and files on this profile.
3) I have been super busy with school and mock exams. 
School is a little more important to me than my blog is. I spill most of my emotions and feelings into this blog whereas in school I bottle it all in and don't tell anyone most of it so my blog is really important to me but my future is so much more important. I want to succeed in school so I revise and do all my homeworks on time and do my best in every exam I take, even if it is a mock. Speaking of which, the other week I took a chemistry, biology and physics mock exam (end on core unit exam) and I got my results back, I got an A in Chemistry and Biology and I got a C in physics which is lucky because my strong point isn't physics and the exam was very hard, I'm in set 1 and only a few people got As and Bs.


Now, onto the topic of this blog post: Catching up. A lot has happened in my life and I expect a lot has happened in your life too. I'll tell you about my struggles, problems and achievements and you can tell me yours in the comments, I'd love to hear about them and help you guys out.  :)

So lately I feel as if I've changed a lot, looks, personality and just how I am. I've definitely become a little more confident and I can feel that I have socially because people that talk to me outside of lessons I am fine answering them and I don't shy away but in lessons it's completely different, I'm still the shy girl that talks to no one but my friends confidently. I think I have changed in looks because I look older and I also got glasses over a month ago and that definitely changes my appearance. I have also been wearing a little bit more make up (when I do wear make up, which is just the weekdays; weekends if I'm going out to a friends or for an event) and it makes me feel much more confident in myself, whenever I don't wear make up I look so different! Well.. maybe not "so" different but I do look different. My skin is naturally very red and spotty, I have dark circles under my eyes and my skin is just very.... um.. awkward. It's oily, yet dry. Dry in some areas and oily in others, it makes make up very hard for me. I'm also very pale so finding the right concealer and BB cream for me is very hard to find. Enough with the make up talk, for the boys reading sake. 

I also think that my anxiety got worse, if that's even possible. I was walking home from my bestfriends house yesterday (after surprising her with cakes and presents for her birthday) and it was quite dark and where I live there are a lot of people that look creepy and sketchy, they could be the nicest people in the world but they look like they're not. So I was walking home and I see black figures under street lamps and my heart races and thoughts hit my head like a ton of bricks. I couldn't see which way they were walking because they were so far away but all I could think about was if they were walking towards me I would probably have a panic attack in the middle of the streets at half 6 at night in winter on my own. I also found myself looking back every chance I got, I kept thinking that someone might be following me home, I don't know what I was more scared of: them able to attack/rape me at any moment because I was so vulnerable or them knowing where I live and being able to murder/burgle me and my family.

I don't know if you guys know, but I don't feel as though people should fuss over me, which is difficult when my mum constantly worries for me. I'm not allowed to walk on my own (home) after 7, if I'm at my friends house late I have to be taken home by an adult and if my friends live a 5 minute drive but a 40 minute walk I have to be driven there and back. Whenever I want to go to my friend Meg's house she will be a pain and tell me I have to get a ride there and to ask one of her parents to take me back home and I always feel really bad having to do that. I don't understand why I can't walk back or get the bus back. Actually, I'd rather not take the bus, I'd get lost if I'm honest, but I'm completely fine walking. Me and Thalia have walked to Meg's house and then all 3 of us walked back. NOTE: This is really hard to explain when I don't want to say the area of which we live. So instead I will make a comparison, Lets pretend Meg lives in Washington (UK) and Thalia and I live in Sunderland, now you understand the time/miles etc. It really isn't that far but it's far enough. 

I think this may be the end to my returning post. I'm sorry it's so long but I hope you enjoyed it, it took ages to write but I had fun writing it :) Leave your comments down below, what do you think to long blog posts?

YouWouldn'tHaveGuessed.